As the inevitable slow (death) march towards the ubiquity of American junk food gains pace, the relative healthfulness, price and availability of delicious Thai street food becomes even more precious. Witness the opening of Thailand’s first Krispy Kreme shop, which got a ludicrous amount of attention and lineups more akin to a Justin Bieber concert than a lump of fried dough. But every once in a while in Bangkok you must indulge, and I recently found a place that takes indulgence to a whole new level with the most outrageously oversized hamburger I have ever seen. While I try to avoid disgusting displays of the gluttony that western culture seems to have a trademark on, I’ve written about mutant hamburger fads here before. Once I saw this monster, I knew that it was too insane not to write about.

Warning: Appolgies in advance for any of the horrifying images of extreme gluttony you may see. Normally I am a refined and well-behaved diner.

There a certainly some big, delicious burgers on offer in Bangkok, and ever since Triple O’s burned down in the red shirt riots, the internets have been witness to a bit of “what now?!” from the paddy-loving public. Well, if you like to take things over the top, I found your new burger HQ. About 400m up Sukhumvit soi 20 sits the Europe Café, a cozy little joint run by a friendly Danish couple, but be warned: these guys do hamburgers like Lance Armstrong does bike rides. Below – a regular hamburger.

This is a normal hamburger, consumed regularly by humans. Generally does not cause alarm.

This is a normal hamburger, consumed regularly by humans. Generally does not cause alarm.

One you have the girly burgers out of the way, it’s time for the main course. Here’s the deal – the big burger costs about 795 baht, which is actually not bad considering that a regular-sized burger and beer in any other western restaurant in the city will run you at least 500 baht. The burger takes about 40 minutes to cook, and you have three hours to eat it. If you finish, it’s free, and when it arrives, you immediately know why.

The Beast with two normal burgers. Not seen: the 12 kitchen staff required for assembly.

The Beast with two normal burgers. Not seen: the 12 kitchen staff required for assembly.

There have been 36 people attempt to eat the whole thing in three hours, and only two – two! – have managed to finish. Oddly, both of them are Irish – a middle-aged guy, and a 17-year old girl. I decided to give it a go but, despite my considerable eating prowess, had a pretty good idea I wouldn’t make it.

My attempt at devouring the first half. Again, apologies for this awful display of gluttony.

My attempt at devouring the first half. Again, apologies for this awful display of gluttony.

Long story short, I ate half and threw in the towel. It wasn’t because it was tasteless – on the contrary, the patty was tasty, the vegetables fresh, and the ham and bacon on top of the (burp) beef added a nice zing to the whole package. To be honest, if I had eaten the second half, I would have vomited, and I can do that for free, thank you very much.

At any rate, owner and host Anita was very friendly and happily showed us pictures of past ‘contestants’. If you want a food challenge that only the best can accomplish, you won’t find a better place than Europe Cafe.

UPDATE – November 2012: I’ve been told that the Europe Cafe has closed down. ‘Tis a shame.


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