As with most foreigners in Thailand, I sometimes get upset with the many ineffective, inefficient quirks that Thailand has; the type of day where you say “Well, they did it this way in my country, why don’t they do it that way here?” The correct answer, of course, is “Then go home, whiner.” But while Thailand often lacks a certain refined efficiency in many areas, there are plenty of other areas – some of them creature comforts that we’re used to getting at home – that are done far better than they ever were in the Motherland. Of course, I don’t mean to dis Canada, but I think it’s a fair representation of most western countries. Here’s some of my favorite differences.
Movies
When I was young and movies only cost $6, my friends and I would line up for hours to see the latest blockbuster (4 hours for Jurassic Park; 6 for Attack of the Clones, God help me). We had a great time hanging out in line with other movie nerds, ordering pizzas and socializing. But with the bitterness of age and doubling of ticket (and food) prices, going to the movies in Canada sucks.
- Canada: The seats aren’t assigned so it’s first come, first served; the floors are sticky with popcorn detritus and God knows what else; the seats are stiff and unforgiving; and once you’ve paid for dinner, tickets, snacks and parking for you and your girl, you’re out $75.
- Thailand: Tickets only cost about $5, but you can find $3 theaters if you don’t need glitzy shopping malls and brand new speakers; the snack selection isn’t the best, but they have popcorn, chocolates, chips, etc for reasonable prices; the seats are mega-comfortable and recline nicely, and are numbered so that you’re able to show up right when the movie starts and take your seat; the floors are clean and carpeted; and if you want to pimp your experience you have the option of Gold Class, which usually involves some combination of plush, reclining seats, blankets, pillow, slippers and full bar, all for the price of a regular ticket back home.
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Mobile Phones
I have no idea how I functioned without a cell phone back in the day, because it’s a vital part of my life in contemporary times, as it is for most people. But as archaic, top-heavy, outdated telcos in North America get increasingly scared of losing their monopoly with the march of technology (Skype, Fring, etc), they’re desperately trying to make as much money as possible while they still can.
- Canada: You have to sign a ream of forms and give up lots of sensitive date promising to pay them for several years; there are stiff penalties for breaking your contract; you can only choose the branded, SIM-protected phones they decide to carry; and you actually have to pay when someone calls you, a concept that elicits stunned disbelief in Asia.
- Thailand: You want a phone? Buy a phone, any phone. Expensive name brands, cheap Chinese ripoffs, unlocked iPhones – the choice is yours; a basic model that does everything a basic phone should do will run you about $30, and a new phone number another $2 or $3 on whichever network you choose; talk-time is cheap – even expensive pay-as-you-go plans only cost about $30 a month, on average.
Street Food
There’s a reason they charge $20 for a plate of chicken and Thai rice in western countries – because people will pay it. There isn’t much more to be said about Thai street food, except that I never get tired of it.
- Canada: Here’s what you can buy on the street in Canada: a tub of hot water with a few sad looking wieners floating in it (aka, hot dogs). Oh, sure, at festivals and parks and other such places you can buy deep fried crapola of all kinds and little cups of ice cream or packaged stuff, but it’s not cuisine. There are so many bylaws in Canada governing the volume of music, the size of a patio, the ownership of sidewalk space, the privilege of selling to the public, etc, that it’s a wonder capitalism has survived.
- Thailand: Most street-side food vendors in Bangkok would give a western public health inspector a heart attack, but perhaps we’re just a big bunch of wussies. Any time of night or day, any type of food, any type of drink or dessert, it’s there. My favorite huge street meal at my local dive (minced spicy pork, egg noodles with pork or beef, tangy dumplings, fresh lime slurpee) is delicious, freshly cooked, costs about $4, and leaves me very, very full. You’ll never find that in Canada.
Patience While Driving
When I was driving the only car I’ve ever owned (a 1976 Ford Maverick, motto: Me first!), I didn’t have to worry much about traffic for two reasons – the car was made of solid iron, and it was a piece of crap and I didn’t care if it got scratched. But I still obeyed the rules, because road rage in Canada can be a serious thing.
- Canada: If you make one bonehead move that results in the normal flow of traffic being blocked, you have about four seconds before the anger level of the people in the cars behind you goes from Ronald McDonald to Krakatoa. Although, generally, it only results in the occasional yelling match, it can often teeter on the edge of getting violent.
- Thailand: Stopping in the middle of a lane to let someone out, a guy pushing a food cart down a crowded road, and every manner of bus, tuk-tuk, car, motorbike and human-powered vehicle jostle for road space. But rarely will someone honk their horn, preferring to just stop, let the fool in front do his thing, and get on with it. There’s no anger, no threats of violence, no golf club windshield smashing. Western countries sure could learn a lot.
There are plenty more I could go on about – if I ever had to pay $25 to buy another DVD I think my head would explode, for example – but these will do for now. So while Thailand can be a very frustrating place sometimes, it’s easy to lose sight of the fact that no matter how frustrating things can seem, moving back home might be even more of a grind.
A capital post. Moving from Singapore to Canada (and living in assorted other Asian c’tries) has left me wondering. My first half-year in Toronto had me puzzling over locked phones (wtf are locked phones?), miscellaneous phone bill fees, caller-ID not being part of the package, no cell-phone signals underground and in the subway?!, the lack of cheap quality food on the street, the ninnies operating large vehicles, the shitty & expensive internet and cable service providers… we both could go on.
The so-called “first world” purports to be leaders in tech, life-style, quality of life.. I think they’re stupid.
Well, I think if you did move back home, as far as the driving thing, you’d be best to move to like Black Diamond. Even the ‘Toks is getting bad for traffic. As for the movies, we went to see Up with the kids and it cost about $80!! That was shared popcorn, drinks and licorice!! It’s ridiculous for parents! We could go out to a small town theatre, but not get the 3D experience. It’s quite frustrating.
I do know that Canada misses you, Greg, but reading that article we’ll understand if you stay in Thailand! 😉
Word brother, especially on the cell phone issue. Trying desperately to find some pay-as-you-go plan in Canada that doesn’t involve buying a new phone just to get a bloody SIM card.
Even worse is when you go back home for a while and see educated Westerners doing all the same things that piss you off about Thailand, then it becomes a no contest on where to live.
Wow. You nailed it right in the head with the list. I’m not sure I’d live in Bangkok long-term but I can appreciate the few advantages while I have them.
The most important subject in the world: BEER. Thailand just doesn’t have good drink. But the rest of the mess in Canada, you can keep.
E.g. Mobile phones. How about those system access fees? Like they’re doing you a favour. OMG!!!
E.g. 2: LCBO charges restaurants MORE for liquor and beer but when you consider their volumes they should be charged less. Or buying 26er of booze should be cheaper than 2x12oz bottles. Nope, you pay exactly double the price of a 12oz.
Rant over . . .
cheers
rick
Hey Greg,
Great list. However, there’s one thing you didn’t include which I think is one of the best aspects of living here – the bathroom ‘bum hose.’
Not only does this green device (often both literally and figuratively) save paper, it also prevents friction burns. The West is missing out.
Thanks for the comments folks. Hmm… anything else I’m missing? Methinks I should do a sequel to this in the future.
In general, there is just less of a need to corral and sluice life into rigorously enforced categories: who says the left lane is just for cars and not for elephants too (no one, in fact). Stray dogs and cats, “restaurants” in grease-stained garage basements, traffic going whatever way it will…all these things, for this place and this time, are perfect, if you’ll accept their rhythms rather than trying to re-write them. So it’s not quite as definable, but I’ll take the smoky, spicy chaotic life here over the bland, beige, hospital-cornered life back home any day.
Oh, and I know it’s cliched but they do seem to have planted the landing on those university girl uniforms as well.
Great post Greg! Very well written.
Wicked post. I just got back from Van on Sunday and you really nailed a lot of what is wrong back there. But I must say that the hot dog you have pictured looks mighty tasty!
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