As with most foreigners in Thailand, I sometimes get upset with the many ineffective, inefficient quirks that Thailand has; the type of day where you say “Well, they did it this way in my country, why don’t they do it that way here?” The correct answer, of course, is “Then go home, whiner.” But while Thailand often lacks a certain refined efficiency in many areas, there are plenty of other areas – some of them creature comforts that we’re used to getting at home – that are done far better than they ever were in the Motherland. Of course, I don’t mean to dis Canada, but I think it’s a fair representation of most western countries. Here’s some of my favorite differences.

Movies

When I was young and movies only cost $6, my friends and I would line up for hours to see the latest blockbuster (4 hours for Jurassic Park; 6 for Attack of the Clones, God help me). We had a great time hanging out in line with other movie nerds, ordering pizzas and socializing. But with the bitterness of age and doubling of ticket (and food) prices, going to the movies in Canada sucks.

  • Canada: The seats aren’t assigned so it’s first come, first served; the floors are sticky with popcorn detritus and God knows what else; the seats are stiff and unforgiving; and once you’ve paid for dinner, tickets, snacks and parking for you and your girl, you’re out $75.
  • Thailand: Tickets only cost about $5, but you can find $3 theaters if you don’t need glitzy shopping malls and brand new speakers; the snack selection isn’t the best, but they have popcorn, chocolates, chips, etc for reasonable prices; the seats are mega-comfortable and recline nicely, and are numbered so that you’re able to show up right when the movie starts and take your seat; the floors are clean and carpeted; and if you want to pimp your experience you have the option of Gold Class, which usually involves some combination of plush, reclining seats, blankets, pillow, slippers and full bar, all for the price of a regular ticket back home.
  • Seen for 'Oceans 13' a few years ago. How they screwed up 'Brad' when they got 'Soderbergh' right is beyond me.

    Seen for ‘Oceans 13’ a few years ago. How they screwed up ‘Brad’ when they got ‘Soderbergh’ right is beyond me.

Mobile Phones

I have no idea how I functioned without a cell phone back in the day, because it’s a vital part of my life in contemporary times, as it is for most people. But as archaic, top-heavy, outdated telcos in North America get increasingly scared of losing their monopoly with the march of technology (Skype, Fring, etc), they’re desperately trying to make as much money as possible while they still can.

  • Canada: You have to sign a ream of forms and give up lots of sensitive date promising to pay them for several years; there are stiff penalties for breaking your contract; you can only choose the branded, SIM-protected phones they decide to carry; and you actually have to pay when someone calls you, a concept that elicits stunned disbelief in Asia.
  • Thailand: You want a phone? Buy a phone, any phone. Expensive name brands, cheap Chinese ripoffs, unlocked iPhones – the choice is yours; a basic model that does everything a basic phone should do will run you about $30, and a new phone number another $2 or $3 on whichever network you choose; talk-time is cheap – even expensive pay-as-you-go plans only cost about $30 a month, on average.

Street Food

There’s a reason they charge $20 for a plate of chicken and Thai rice in western countries – because people will pay it. There isn’t much more to be said about Thai street food, except that I never get tired of it.

  • Canada: Here’s what you can buy on the street in Canada: a tub of hot water with a few sad looking wieners floating in it (aka, hot dogs). Oh, sure, at festivals and parks and other such places you can buy deep fried crapola of all kinds and little cups of ice cream or packaged stuff, but it’s not cuisine. There are so many bylaws in Canada governing the volume of music, the size of a patio, the ownership of sidewalk space, the privilege of selling to the public, etc, that it’s a wonder capitalism has survived.
  • Thailand: Most street-side food vendors in Bangkok would give a western public health inspector a heart attack, but perhaps we’re just a big bunch of wussies. Any time of night or day, any type of food, any type of drink or dessert, it’s there. My favorite huge street meal at my local dive (minced spicy pork, egg noodles with pork or beef, tangy dumplings, fresh lime slurpee) is delicious, freshly cooked, costs about $4, and leaves me very, very full. You’ll never find that in Canada.