Dungeons & Dragons & Bangkok: An Alignment Cheat Sheet for the Whole City

Alert: This post is ultra-geeky. In my younger years, I used to play a bit of Dungeons & Dragons, the iconic role playing game with wizards and orcs and warriors and trolls and all that jazz. In the game, players can decide the ethical and moral makeup of their created characters, which guides their actions throughout the game. This is called a character alignment. These can be very good, very evil, or something in between. In fact, there are nine official alignments in the D&D universe, and I got to wondering – how would Bangkok’s disparate elements rank on this scale?

Bangkok is many things to many people, and Bob’s favorite facet of the city might be Jim’s least favorite facet. It’s highly subjective. But I still kept wanting to categorize things as much as I could, so I had a think and came up with Bangkok’s alignment chart. A quick refresher – the nine alignment categories are Lawful Good, Neutral Good, Chaotic Good, Lawful Neutral, True Neutral, Chaotic Neutral, Lawful Evil, Neutral Evil, and Chaotic Evil.

So, let me share the graphic I made that lays it out in handy picture form. I’ll post my explanations underneath. Click for the large version.

Lawful Good: Most monks. A Lawful Good character typically acts with compassion, and always with honor and a sense of duty.

Obviously, monks are the first thing that comes to mind when you think of the overall moral compass that guides Thai society. Sure, there are some renegade monks that stray into other alignment categories, but I think for the most part, monks are pretty decent.

Neutral Good: Bangkok Drivers. Has no problems co-operating with lawful officials, but does not feel beholden to them.

Driving in Bangkok isn’t for the faint of heart, and for the most part people obey the rules. But, if someone needs to break the law by driving the wrong way down a one-way street, or jumping up onto the sidewalk, or doing an illegal u-turn, that’s fine. It might inconvenience someone temporarily, but hey, it’s Bangkok. Now get outta my way.

Chaotic Good: Khao San Road. Favors change for a greater good, disdains bureaucracy that gets in the way of social improvement, and places a high value on personal freedom. Generally disorganized and often out of alignment with the rest of society.

Anyone who’s been here will tell you that the one thing it’s not is conformist. Most people here are generally good – hippies, backpackers and people looking to blow off some steam without the watchful eye of THE MAN. But boy, if you want to see the fringes of society, this is where to come.

Lawful Neutral: Thai Education System. Believes strongly in concepts such as honor, order, rules and tradition, and often follows a personal code. Typically enforces strict laws to maintain social order, and places a high value on traditions and historical precedent.

Every Thai teacher I’ve known has busted their ass at work and really wants the best for their students. Unfortunately, the Thai education system relies far too heavily on antiquated directives and a creaky canon, but is too bloated for anyone to really do much about it. Case in point: When I was teaching, a student cut her hair shorter than the regulations allowed and was forced to wear an awful wig for two weeks until her hair grew back. She looked like Joan Jett. I’m sure her grades improved immediately.

Pictured: Education reform.

True Neutral: Soi Dogs. Neutral characters tend not to feel strongly towards any alignment, and are guided by instinct rather than conscious decision. 

Ahh, the beloved soi dog. Sure, some are rabid, some chase you, some ignore you, and some are so mangy as to not even resemble dogs anymore, but they are an enduring symbol of the city. They don’t care about politics or morals, and are taking it one day at a time just trying to survive.

Chaotic Neutral: Chuwit Kamolvisit. An individualist who follows his or her own heart, and generally shirks rules and traditions. Although they promote the ideals of freedom, it is their own freedom that comes first. 

I defy you to name a western politician as colorful as Chuwit. From massage parlor tycoon to politician to…whatever he’s doing now, Chuwit has ruffled some powerful feathers and stepped on a few heads along the way. If there’s one thing Chuwit can be counted on to look out for, it’s Chuwit.

Lawful Evil: Corrupt Cops. A Lawful Evil character sees a well-ordered system as being easier to exploit, and shows a combination of desirable and undesirable traits. While they usually obey superiors and keep their word, they are not averse to twisting the rules to work in their favor.

Thankfully, my limited dealings with Thai cops have always been professional and on the up-and-up, but there are bad apples in every bunch.

Neutral Evil: Taxi and Tuk-Tuk Mafias. Typically selfish with no qualms about turning on allies-of-the-moment, usually to further their own goals. They have no compunctions about harming others to get what they want, but neither will they go out of their way to cause carnage or mayhem when they see no direct benefit to it. 

Ripping off tourists and participating in scams is just part of the job for these guys. A friend of mine once spent USD $1,000 on fake gems a tuk-tuk driver convinced him to buy (let it be said, it wasn’t all the driver’s fault – my friend is an idiot). They’ll disappear if the cops decide that things need to cool off for a while, but they’ll be back eventually.

Chaotic Evil: Thai Ghosts. A Chaotic Evil character tends to have no respect for rules, other people’s lives, or anything but their own desires, which are typically selfish and cruel. 

The mythology around Thai ghosts is incredibly creative, varied, and absolutely chaotic. Each ghost has its own purpose, its own desires and its own preferred place to live, everything from banana trees to water. There are ghosts that hop, ghosts that float, giant ghosts, blue ghosts, hungry ghosts, angry ghosts, and tiny ghosts. Almost all of them arrived on the ghostly plain via a tragic, painful, brutally violent death, and they won’t be happy until you’ve joined them. Some ghosts eat your intestines, some will have sex with you and then kill you if you leave them, some eat literal shit, some suck your blood from your toes while you sleep, and some trick you into scratching their maggot-infested wounds. It’s wild, man.

So there we go, that’s how I break down Bangkok according to the D&D alignment chart. Have I missed anything? Do you disagree with any one? Sound off in the comments below. I’ll also include a few other alignment charts, just for fun.

Star Wars character alignments. Click for big size.

Game of Thrones character alignments. Click for big size.

General geeky character alignments. Click for big size.