After years of roaming around Bangkok and its surrounds, meeting people, and trying to familiarize myself with the vibe of the city, I’ve been very lucky to have built up a pretty good selection of solid, trustworthy friends. In a city full of some very eccentric and strange people, that’s no easy task. However, the other night at a very crowded event, it hit me that “my time” in Bangkok – that is, when I was at ‘peak social’ and knew a goodly chunk of the expat population by name – was over. At 39 and 13 years into my life here, I’m an old man.
A lot of people I used to hang out with regularly are long gone, and it seems that every few months another 2 or 3 move on to new things in new lands. I guess someone’s got to replace them.
Much like realizing you’ve put on weight, or that your pet is getting bigger, you don’t notice it while it’s happening. But then one day you see an old picture of yourself or your pet and it hits you. That’s what happened to me the other night when I was at an event which was heavily attended by the expat community. It was the annual birthday/block party for El Osito and/or La Monita, two of the best Mexican/Tapas restaurants in town. After some mingling and the sharing of a few tacos and beers with a couple of people that I knew, I did some walking around, scanning the crowd for friendly faces, and it hit me: I knew almost no one there.
Of course I’m not saying I don’t know anyone anymore. I’m lucky enough to have quite a large group of good friends and associates which I value very highly, and many events that I do attend are full of friends. But if I had attended an event like this when I was at ‘peak social’ I certainly would have known a larger percentage of people than I did this time around. It makes sense…a lot of people I used to hang out with regularly are long gone, and it seems that every few months another 2 or 3 move on to new things in new lands. I guess someone’s got to replace them.
Thinking about it, I estimate that a large number of foreigners who move here are gone within 5 years, replaced by a newer, younger crowd. Watching them go through the same growing pains that I did when I first arrived is amusing, but it does get a bit tedious after a while. That’s one reason why I feel like I know less people than I once did – who wants to sit around and talk about the best clubs or how to get the right visa, or which neighborhoods are good to live in? Been there, done that.
My assessment isn’t scientific by any stretch of the imagination, so maybe there are just more expats in Bangkok now overall? Perhaps the use of social media has made the expat community here much more cohesive, and has increased access to events like the one above? Or maybe it had to do with the fact that El Osito provided free food and beer, which will always draw an extra-healthy crowd.
Whatever it was, it sure was clear that the expat community in Bangkok has seen a pretty large injection of new blood. Either that or I’m just getting old, and my days of ‘peak social’ are far behind me.
It’s likely a combination of both.
39? Old? Boy, have you got a lot to learn lol.
Indeed, I feel a bit sheepish saying it. But compared to the new crop of whippersnappers, 39 is getting up there. 🙂
I got there late, huge crowd, didn’t see anyone I knew. Went somewhere else. I know what you mean. I haven’t been here as long as you but already several friends have moved on and gone away, replaced by new faces and new friends.
Indeed, TOGJ, there was far too many people there to make waiting for food/drink worthwhile. The ‘replaced by new faces and new friends’ is the key here. The problem is that it’s hard to maintain the 1:1 ratio of old friends leaving:new friends arriving. When it falls to like 1:0.5, you get my situation. 🙂
Greg,
Insightful and enjoyable blog as usual.
You make some really good points here that I hadn’t thought of before. Namely that you’re now older and have little to no interest talking about visa issues, the best places to eat, etc. You’ve been there done that.
Also, you’re now older than when you moved to Bangkok and are not interested in the same things that most new residents are, mainly because they are younger than you, closer to the age you were when you moved to Bangkok.
It would be interesting to read a blog on the things you now do, value, partake in, people you associate with, versus the same things you did 13 years ago.
Keep up the good writing!
Scott
Thanks Scott, that’s a really good idea – a conversation between 2001 Greg and 2014 Greg! I’ll keep that in mind.
Age certainly plays a big part in it – 36-year olds don’t usually want to do the same things that 26-year olds do, and when you’re an expat – and life consists of lots of “How do I…?” questions – once you get them out of your system, you want to move on to more interesting things.
I wanna second Scott: you found words I never sought out but pinpoint some feelings I also share – feeling kinda old at 42, having seen crowds of friends disappear and be replaced, interests shift, and more than anything, feeling bored when the visa question arises!
But still you heart sings for this place, you made your own marks and crowd, found your own sweet things!
Keep writing about it, your blog is just as interesting as Thai food: a mix of unpretentious things that taste good and I can’t get bored of! 🙂
Hey TreeLove, thanks! Luckily my love of Bangkok isn’t only due to the people – the city itself has enough flavor and excitement to keep me happy for a long time. 🙂
I hear you, Greg. And I reckon the feeling’s not exclusive to expats. Increased responsibilities (both at home and work) have a habit of cutting large slices out of social pies, sometimes leaving nothing but crumbs. Add some whipped cream to your nostalgia by listening to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IbTAFqnZkL0 (Franz Ferdinand’s awesome cover of LCD Soundsystem’s melancholy hit, All My Friends).
Hey Adam, thanks for the FF song – nice! That’s a good point, I’m sure the feeling is the same anywhere – you head to a club you used to visit a lot and you don’t know anyone, and then you just go home and do your taxes and other grownup things.