After a few years as an expat, you look back on your first days/weeks/months here and smile. Or cringe. Usually cringe. The amount of mistakes and cultural boo-boo’s you make in your first foray into fitting into a new culture is often the source of much guffaws for Thais, and – hopefully – act as benchmarks for the progress you’ve made in adapting to living in the Land of Smiles. However, hindsight is 20/20, and I was thinking recently about a few things I wish I had known before I came overe here. It could have saved me a few grief-filled afternoons, but… then again, I wouldn’t have some of the cool stories I do. At any rate, here are my top five things I wish that I had known before I moved to Thailand.
1. Almost everyone you know has been here.
An embarrassing confession: while planning for my big trip, I actually went to the army surplus store to stock up on various pieces of survival gear. Nothing serious, but I looked at knives, tents, boots, etc. I don’t know what I was expecting – a country covered by jungle, with huge tracts of land begging for exploration, undiscovered treasures around every corner and about five foreigners to speak of. When I started telling everyone I was going to Thailand! I was slightly let down by the fact that 90% of them either had been themselves or knew someone who had been. Fact is, Thailand’s tourism industry has been booming for the better part of 80 years and the chances of you doing or seeing something that hasn’t been seen or done ten thousand times is pretty rare. Don’t be surprised if images of Indiana Jones-like adventures are quickly supplanted by the reality of waiting in line at a 7-11 or becoming a faceless entity in the well-worn tourist production line (Khao San Road, Chiang Mai, elephant riding, beers on a beach). Not to say it isn’t still fun – just don’t expect to break any new ground.
2. Not everyone smiles.
The hugely successful Land of Smiles campaign engineered by the Tourism Authority of Thailand has done a great job of convincing the world that everyone in Thailand smiles all the time, and that the entire country is populated by jovial, harmless teddy-bears. The problem, of course, is that many people equate smiles with trustworthiness, which is definitely not the case.
While most Thais certainly love to joke and laugh, the country does have its fair share of scheming jerks who will lie right to your face through a huge smile to trick you out of a few bucks. There are douchebags in every country, and Thailand is no exception, smiles or not.
3. Take what you read online with a bucket of salt.
I did a lot of reading online leading up to my trip and – surprise, surprise – much of it was absolute crap that dealt with one thing: I’ll give you a hint: it starts with ‘w’ and ends in ‘horing’. What I found while reading pages and pages of overly descriptive stories of drunken hookups in bathrooms, orgies in short-time hotels and vomit-stained nights with random strangers, is that I was developing a particularly depressing image of Thailand in my head. Was everyone an alcoholic sex fiend? Was there anything to do beside drink and make friends with rejects from western society? Does anyone tell a story that’s not ridiculously exaggerated? The answer, of course, is yes, there are plenty of ‘normal’ things to do and people to meet, but their online presence is outweighed by the sheer volume of sexcapade stories. Hardly anyone writes a blog post about an intellectually stimulating conversation with a rocket scientist in a nice jazz club (true story) because no one searches for that. People search for blog posts about ladyboy surprises or outrageous descriptions of LBFM activity (if you know what that is, you’ve been reading the types of blogs I’m urging you to avoid). My advice – read all you can but make sure to balance the sleazy stuff with the positive stuff. Why, start with GregToDiffer.com! (Note to self: “Ladyboy Surprise” would be an awesome punk band name).
4. Not everyone in Thailand wears fisherman pants and flip flops.
The perennial dream of gap-year kids and pasty tourists is to ‘escape the rat race’ for a Thai vacation and put your brain, fashion sense and social decorum on hold. That may fly on Khao San Road or the beaches, but many people forget that Bangkok is a real, functioning city. People wear suits and high heels, carry briefcases and dress up for nights out. Bangkok locals hate it when a dreadlocked hippie with a scraggly beard and $4 outfit joins the scene and tries to be taken as anything other than a random, nescient tourist on their way to a beach.
5. You will never be considered Thai.
Before I came, I had images of myself pulling a Jake Sully in Avatar (or John Smith in Pocahontas, same thing) – learning the language and culture to the extent that I’d essentially blend in and ‘disappear’ into the ether. Yeah right. Despite the fact I look like Stone Cold Steve Austin, Thailand is not a country where multiculturalism has ever taken hold. Foreigners are often shocked at what seems like blatant racism but is really just the Thai unfamiliarity with the norms of other cultures. That being said, Thais are a pretty insular lot – as a foreigner, you will always be “The Farang”, the outsider with minimal rights and legal recourse, who can’t own land or a Thai company, and who must jump through so many hoops to gain citizenship that you’ll likely be able to audition for Cirque du Soleil when (if) you finally succeed. Accept it – you are on the outside looking in. It’s not necessarily a bad place to be, but you’ll never be on the inside looking out.
Another source of crap info I found starts with ThaiVisa and ends with dot com. Trying to get an answer to a simple question usually involved sifting through pages and pages of opinionated BS. I have found Twitter to be a much better choice for quick, up to date and (fairly) reliable information on Bangkok.
Haha ‘douchebag crossing’ – love it and pretty spot on too. It seems to me the gist of your article is pretty universal in it’s application of wisdom. Go to Thailand but go with eyes and mind open and keep a healthy dose of reality salt handy in your backpack. No expectations, no disappointments and you just might learn a few things a long the way. 😉
Never crossed me that you look like Stone Cold, but now I can’t shake the image of you doing a Stone Cold Stunner out of my head.
Haha, so true. Even after living in Bangkok for just under a year, I can vouch for everything on this list. I’m just glad the culinary wonderland we have to explore of Thai food outweighs the drunken ladyboy stories…
๕๕๕ – I remember coming the first time with enough mosquito repellent to float a small boat – Stone Cold Steve Austin… hummmm…
Five good points but regarding you last one, #5, your translation of why Thais occasionally act like extreme assholes I would say is off. You stated: "Foreigners are often shocked at what seems like blatant racism but is really just the Thai ‘unfamiliarity’ with the norms of other cultures." I wouldn’t call it "unfamiliarity". Sorry if it sounds like I am checking your writing like a high school teacher but sometimes I felt that the way Thais act at times is intentional.
I work for a well-known international NGO that has an office in Bangkok that I visit roughly once a month. When it comes to Thais and racism I would say – if it walks like a duck and sounds like a duck, it’s probably a duck.
All very true, I was surprised to find not many people smile in Thailand, but then they will smile at you when something is wrong. Same, same, but different…
May I ask?What made you want to live in Thailand ? I can understand coming to visit and stay for awile to explore the country,but why would want to live in a nation where you can not be part of?
Hilarious!!! #6 Everything is not cheaper. *cough* CARS
Thanks for commenting everyone. Rikkerbacker, sometimes I can see your point… Thais often presume that Thailand is simply the best country and using anything but their own home-grown solutions would be tantamount to showing their weaknesses, which I guess can come off as arrogant. What I really hate is the ‘You just don’t understand Thailand’ argument, said by people when they can’t formulate an intelligent argument in defense of something that’s wrong with Thailand.
Francis: Good question – I think there’s a different between feeling welcome and feeling like an equal. I can go to my friend’s house and know that I’m not part of the family, but I know I’m welcome. More importantly, living in Thailand may never make me a citizen of Thailand, but the opportunities it offers make me a citizen of The World, which many of my friends back home will never experience.
Since I got here — well, more accurately, since I emerged from my initial alcoholic sex fiend period — I’ve lamented the lack of serious writing about Bangkok. This city goes far beyond the usual and tiresome litany of beers, bars, girls, near-girls, and gem scams, with a robust life that manages — despite the best efforts of globalization — to retain a distinctly Thai flavor. The time is ripe for "Bangkok 2.0," but no one seems to be chronicling it: writing about Thailand in a way that goes beyond the things for which it is infamous either(i) spends most of its time consciously differentiating itself from the usual "Private Dancer" fare, (ii) devolves into a simple cataloging of wholesome attractions, or (iii) opts for a kind of store-bought spirituality that is equally uninteresting and unrepresentative (Greg to Differ refreshingly free of these vices). The only English-language effort that I’ve come across that forges a truly nuanced contemporary literary Thai voice is "Sightseeing" by Rattawut Lapcharoensap. We need his farang counterparts, and lots of them.
Before moving to Bangkok (just under a week ago), I googled 'single female living in bangkok advice' (I'm quite literal you see). I guess you can imagine the shit that filled up the first few listings on google :S
One other I would add (being Asian) to the first item on your list is 'everyone has an opinion about Thailand and freely offers advice).
Hi Fariha, welcome to Bangkok! I can only imagine what horrors you came across Googling that phrase. If you haven't already, check out http://www.chickynet.com for some non-bargirl centered networking with other expat women.
And yes, everyone does offer advice. With each passing year, you build up a bit more 'street cred' as it were and your opinions begin to carry a bit more weight, but one thing Thailand seems to instill in everyone is an opinion. 😀
Thanks, Greg! That was great advice 😉
Glad you found it helpful! Feel free to drop me a line if you have any other Bangkok questions and/or rants about this weird city. 😛
Im so happy i found this blog, and read paragraph 3…i was getting anxious for the same reason, i was even getting ready to cancel my trip, now i will try to forget what i read, which is to much…
🙂
Thanks Bill, glad to hear you went through the same "Ah ha! Phew!" moment I did. There's certainly a lot of nice, normal people here. It might take a bit more energy to find them and get to know them, but they do exist. However, one thing that makes Bangkok such a cool city is that it DOES have that dark side. Even though guys like me and (presumably) you don't spend too much time there, it does give the city an interesting, unpredictable edge, which is part of the reason I like it so much. If you want to learn more about 'real' Bangkok people, check out the podcast I do – link at the top left of the page. 🙂