From a sociologist’s point of view, traveling to (and living in) a strange culture is akin to taking off your clothes and jumping butt-nekkid into a cold mountain lake. It strips away any notion of comfort that you may have had and gives you a new perspective on yourself, your surroundings, and the world you inhabit. Thailand certainly has this effect on one as well, as I expect living in or visiting most any country would, but in some very interesting ways. There are many short-term changes – things that most people recognize during their first week, month or year – but there are also a surprising amount of long-term changes that sneak up on you.
I remember going back to my tiny little hometown after a few years in Thailand and, for some reason, ending up at a skeezy, dingy bar that was the hangout of choice for the rednecks and skids that inhabit the type of backwater farming communities which I grew up in. I was totally shocked to see most of the patrons were people I’d gone to high school with – half drunk on a Wednesday night with a world view that was no bigger than it was when we used to read about other cultures in Mrs. McDonald’s Social Studies class. It was pretty sad – there but for the grace of Eva Air go I.
As a refugee from your home culture, the first thing that gets stripped away from you is the sense of familiarity as you’re surrounded by strange things, everything from traffic patterns to clothing sizes. This is pretty obvious so I won’t talk about it too much. Some people can handle it and some can’t, which became clear to me when my best friend/roommate/travel partner bailed on our Asian adventure a week after we got to Thailand despite having planned to stay for at least four months. I guess it’s called a comfort zone for a reason.
For me, the second noticeable change was the gradual realization that, as knowledgeable as I thought I was, I didn’t know anything about anything, relatively speaking. Politics, history, culture, personality types, food, relationships, language… I was a rank amateur in nearly every way. When you constantly meet new people who have done, seen, heard, experienced and tasted things that you have never even thought of doing, seeing, hearing, experiencing or tasting, it puts you in your place pretty quickly. The world is a big pond, and you are a tiny fish with a lot to learn.
In terms of making you see things differently, one thing that Thailand does particularly well is devalue the currency of sex. Some guys jump on the booze-n’-orgies express as soon as they leave the airport, while other guys, like me for instance, have never really felt the need to board that particular train (although I’ve pondered a trip many, many times). I know I’m treading on thin ice here, so I’ll be careful, but let’s be honest – when sex is available in quantities that many guys back home can only dream of, your perspective on what constitutes ‘special’, ‘tender,’ ‘cherished’, ‘romantic’ or ‘precious’ undergoes a bit of an adjustment. Add to this the fact that you, as a foreigner, are considered unique, exotic and wealthy (despite a boatload of proof to the contrary), and you have the recipe for a serious paradigm shift in terms of nookie. Some guys can resist this, other guys can’t. Pro tip: if you know the names of all the girls at the bar, you can’t.
But the most noticeable change – at least for me, and especially right now – is how my outlook toward civil unrest has been altered. Back in Mrs. McDonald’s social studies class, we read about coups and uprisings and protests with descriptions of clashes, fighting and bloodshed that would have shut our entire province down had they happened where I lived. However, this sublime, cocoon-like existence is soon replaced by a realization that what passes for ‘batshit crazy lawlessness’ in your hometown is de rigeur in many other places in the world. During my first Thai coup of 2006 I was pretty scared, until I was advised by Thai friends that this is just how things get done here, no worries. Subsequent political flareups and brinkmanship have dulled my sense of what constitutes a ‘dangerous situation’ to the pont that, seriously, I found myself complaining that bad traffic was going to make me late for dinner during the awful violence on April 10th. Not to belittle the tragedy that took place that night, but several years ago I would have been looking for air tickets home; this year I was upset that my linguine was getting cold.
It continues into the present: despite the ongoing threat of violence as tensions flare and chest-pounding idiots on both sides refuse to back down, I go about my business as usual. True, I’m aware that things may turn to crap at any time, but I’m still surprised at my lack of alarm. In Canada, violent street protests would have me taking shelter in my basement with a stack of my best comic books; in Thailand, I simply plan my night around the impending chaos, and hope for the best.
These are some of the reasons why it’s often so hard for an expat to return to their humdrum existence. I love the town I grew up in, but if I had to read one more headline about a flooded school gymnasium, I think I’d be on the first flight back to Asia, coups and riots be damned.
I honestly don’t believe its the expat life that ‘changes’ you. If you’re a small town boy – its the city of millions which will change you.
You don’t have to be an ‘expat’ to feel the difference between living in a city of 50’000 and a city of 15’000’000.
i don’t completely agree with what you wrote about how Bangkok Changes these poor farang farm boys into crazy wacky sex maniacs. This is not BKKs problem – some guys are dickheads – Period.
I do whole heartedly agree with how living abroad breaks away the cage of social perceptions we are brought up in. Security is an illusion nurtured by Government – National Culture & Education to keep us (its citizens) under control.
Ignore it and two things occur : either you become an outcast or hermit or unabomber … or you see what your social environment truly has to offer ; there-in you understand the abyss that exists between thinking you are in a free society and actually being free.
That is IMHO the true gift of living abroad.which is why i started my post with the remark "I don’t think the expat life changes people". Because in my 10 years in Sin City – I have met but a handful of people who have truly experienced this "gift".
The rest live the golden illusion of the life of the plenty admist the world of the lesser.
just my 2 cents, Greg.
cheers.
V.
V – some very good points (even if you did call me a dickhead). It is interesting to hear the long term expat pov from a female perspective.
GJ – awesome post as always. Bonus points for use of the word "skid"
In a nutshell, Greg!
Provided you notice the lake is there, and you’re not afraid to jump in.
I think it’s really that the past is a place you can never go – even if you stayed in your hometown – you can’t go visit it – no time travel allowed. It’s just more obvious to you when you’re an expat.
And by the way, everything changes you – even if you never go anywhere – and, conversely, nothing changes you because down deep at the core, you are still that boy from Okotoks too just like I’m that girl from Lethbridge. It’s just that since you haven’t been in Okotoks the whole time, you changed in a different way than the other people.
I think the thing that I find difficult is that because I’ve traveled around so much, I don’t seem to have changed in the same way as anyone. A woman without a country. (sigh)
Thanks for posting guys. It is interesting to ponder whether your environment changes you, brings out what was already there, or has no effect on what was already there in the first place. Maybe a combination of all three? However, as Marjory mentions, she’s a woman without a country. This reminds me of when I go home to visit friends – no matter how long our history is, there is still a disconnect there because of what I’ve seen and done. My friends who have stayed together don’t have it… it’s a different type. That’s what makes me think that traveling and living overseas has changed me… or perhaps everyone else has just stayed the same?
~Greg
what’s that quote? if you look long into the abyss, the abyss looks back into you or something of that nature? Well that sense of the abyss is often what i feel as the disconnect. It’s not that the people aren’t trying to relate, they just can’t. I’ve been back in the states for a couple of years, and there isn’t a day that goes by that I understand that It’s never going to be the same, nor would i want it.
Thank you for writing this blog it just told me a lot .When I told my family I was still going to vist Bangkok they all said I was nuts.They told me I would get hurt or worce.
I know I will be safe being there .My only concern is if protests happin again .I would be stuck paying a lot of money and not be able to go visit the things I want to see.
I must say if was there when A coop or political unrest happin.I would be on the next flight back to New York. I can handle the shit that happins in the USA not that.
I know this is an old post, and I am not even sure if you (Greg) will see this comment or not, but I clicked on the link to your hometown newspaper to see where you were from, and sure enough, as you warned in the last paragraph, the top news story on the front page is “Flood evacuees will be allowed home tomorrow”.
Yeah, I guess they had a pretty rough couple of weeks. Usually Bangkok smokes my lil’ hometown on nearly every metric, but ironically, they’re the ones who had to put up with an actual flood instead of just hoping it didn’t hit them. 🙂