If there’s one thing I’ve learned in the seven years I’ve lived in an entirely different culture where people who look entirely different from me and speak an entirely different language, it’s that things are different here.  I know, I catch on quick.  But after seven years, you build up a repository of cultural credit, as my friend J likes to say.  What he means is, the longer you spend in a different culture, the more right you have to say you know said culture. After seven years, I can speak garble the language, order the food, get around on my own and basically survive as a pale shadow of a local.  But take me out of Thailand, and my cultural credit drops to zero; I’m a stranger in a strange land.  So, inspired by my cousin L’s recent move to South Korea (warning: very odd link) and her initial nervousness at how things will work out, I though back at what I’d do if I found myself living in entirely different culture yet again.

In no particular order:

Get someone to write down your address in the local language: Trying to say “I live close to the corner of the big road that goes by that one hospital where that famous guy died” in a language you don’t speak is challenging, to say the least.  Get in a taxi/bus/train, hand the driver/conductor/attendant the piece of paper with your address on it, and relax. Note: Don’t give out the paper to crazy homeless people.

Learn to count to 10, then 20, then 100: Comes in handy for distance, prices, weight, times and even phone numbers, you lucky devil.

Learn how to say some key phrases: As a tourist (or newbie) you’ll likely get hassled by all manner of touts, salesman and even con artists.  If you can say something back to them in a semblance of the local language, they’ll probably know they’re not dealing with a rube, and leave you alone.  To start with, learn left, right, stop here, yes, no, how much, no thank you, do you have…, I want to…, sorry and I don’t understand.  That last one is priceless.

Understand the history: Many of my Thai friends are astounded that I know more about Thai history than they do, but what I don’t tell them is that I know an embarrassingly small amount of Canadian history to even it out.  If you can whip out an historic bon mot during a conversation with locals, you’ll earn mad brownie points.  Also, it’s never bad to learn something new, quit whining.

Flag hag.

Flag hag.

Learn where to meet people… the right people: My first few months in Bangkok suuuuckkkeeddddd because I didn’t know anyone, and I was too much of a pansy to go out and meet them.  After a while, I met a few folks here and there, but they were very strange; I had about as much in common with them as I did with a bowl of hair.  It sounds old hat, but the best way to meet like-minded people is to join a club that you’re interested in.  Most cities with even a small amount of expats have clubs such as Toastmasters, a Foreign Correspondent’s Club, industry clubs, and let’s not forget the Chambers of Commerce, which usually host regular networking nights.  Check the web.

Learn the emergency phone numbers: Quick – what number do you call if you see an old man having a heart attack in Italy?  Egypt?  Thailand?  911?  Nope.  It’s 113, 122 and 191, respectively.  Emergency phone numbers are by no means universal, and some countries even have unique numbers to call, like Thailand’s Tourist Police, who are specially trained to deal with foreigners (I wanted to link to their website but in a stunning example of follow-through, it’s all in Thai. Ahh, Thailand).

Learn your city: If you don’t know where you are, how are you supposed to know where to get where you’re going?  What if a taxi driver takes you on the long route that has nothing to do with your destination, or you get stranded in a strange area?  Knowing the basic layout of a city can save you tons of time.  The best way to do this is to buy a map at a bookstore and put it up on your wall.  Whenever you’re heading somewhere new, find it on the map.

Read, read, read, read, read: Research your destination.  Read anything and everything you can on the history, politics, current events, dos and don’ts, scams, warnings, itineraries, attractions, etc.  Your Grandmother was right when she was yelling at you as you ran down the street for that football game with the big guys in school – forewarned is forearmed.

And last but not least – you’ll be fine.  I guarantee that you will (eventually) meet people, do things, see things, eat things and think things that you have never even imagined.  The prophet Mohammad put it best:

Don’t tell me how educated you are, tell me how much you’ve traveled.