Fortune telling – possibly an even older profession than the Oldest Profession – is huge in Asia. (The Oldest Profession is also huge in Asia, but that’s another blog post). In western cultures, fortune telling is relegated to circus side-shows and party tricks, a goofy remnant of a long-forgotten superstition. But if you read the daily headlines in Asia you’ll see that everyone from the girl selling coffee on the street corner to the leaders of most countries rarely make a major decision without consulting their favorite seer.

Recently some (Thai) coworkers – educated, smart, modern young people – visited a fortune teller, and it made me curious. Why are these guys taken so seriously? One of the girls was told that she’ll meet a guy who is older than her, has slightly darker skin, and likes sports. When I pointed out that that’s like 90% of all men in Thailand, she just waved me away. Logic does not have a place here.

So, I decided to visit some myself – three different types, actually – and see how they compared.

But first I asked a Thai friend why she goes. “I base my visits on feelings, dreams or emotions,” she says. “Many of my friends go quite regularly but others think the whole thing is silly. I don’t consider it magical or supernatural, but rather as an emotional pick-me-up by someone who is qualified to give suggestions and guidance. I use the advice I get to help inform my decisions.”

Fair enough. But I also can’t forget my non-clairvoyant friend Shauna back in Canada. Years ago she worked as a phone psychic, and in her starter pack were a series of books and binders instructing her on exactly what to say. It also included a list of well researched comebacks to almost any question imaginable. She made US$12 (480B) an hour and was a total fraud.

(It was a bit awkward taking pictures during the readings, so just for fun, I used the first picture that came up in a Google search for each term)

Palm Reading – Your Fate is in Your Hands

Friends said the guy at a mid-range hotel close to Sukhumvit knows his stuff. On the mezzanine level sat a friendly, middle aged gentleman with glasses sitting low on his nose. I sat down at the rickety table and he asked for the day, year and month that I was born. He asked me to put my palms on the table and he leaned in to take a look.

The teller pinched and poked and stretched my fingers this way and that, and spoke throughout the whole thing. A particular crease would cause him to pull out his magnifying glass, or his pen where he would dot my hand in strategic spots. Most of the things he told me were pretty benign – I’m kind and like to help people; I’m good at solving problems; I should invest my money instead of hoarding it and apparently, my two-tone eyebrows are an indication that I have a strong sense of right and wrong.

If your fingers are really this color, you might want to see a real doctor instead of a fortune teller.

If your fingers are really this color, you might want to see a real doctor instead of a fortune teller.

He told me that it would be beneficial for me to live on an island or near water, to take care of my heart and to be careful when driving, especially from being rear-ended.

The verdict: Traditionally, palm reading is considered a way to divine a persons’ character, not so much to forecast what lies ahead for them, but what I was told was pretty generic and uninspiring.

Numerology – Your Number’s Up

For this particular method, I went down to the area around Wat Pho. I found a friendly old man who was free, and he asked me to write the day, month and year of my birth down. With the help of a thick book and star chart, he dove in.

He started by telling me that so far, my life has been a series of peaks and valleys (true), but that success will come in a big way (hopefully true). He told me not to wear black on Saturday (it was a Saturday and I was wearing a black shirt), that I would have two boys and one girl (I have one boy), that I should live close to water (sounds familiar) and that February will be the beginning of a new life for me (I have no plans for February). He then proceeded to break down my life by annual chunks – between the ages of 38 to 52 will be happy times (party at my house!), 55 to 63 will bring big changes to my life, I’ll get sick at 64 (my heart or another organ) and should adjust my lifestyle accordingly. The capper was when he told me that I would die at age 88 in the year 2063. At least I’ll get to see Halley’s Comet one last time.

Numbers are pretty.

Numbers are pretty.

The verdict: Despite my impending death, numerology didn’t give me any shivers, but it was nice to hear some definitive dates and years thrown into the mix. Seemed like a glorified version of reading your horoscope.

Tarot Cards – Playing with a Full Deck

I again sought out a tarot reader near the Wat Pho area. I had to wait nearly 2 hours though, as there was a line of people waiting. He too took a quick look at my palms with a magnifying glass before spreading the tarot deck in front of me like an expert dealer at a Vegas casino. He told me pick out ten cards with my left hand, bent over my choices and started to ‘read.’

He said that I’m a fairly solitary person and do my best thinking when I’m on my own (true). He told me that I dream big, but am able to differentiate between an attainable idea and a preposterous idea (I flashed back to the brutal rejection I got from Tanna Pekrul when I asked her out in High School. Seemed attainable at the time). He also told me to take care of my heart and guts and that I need to live near water, the same pieces of advice given by the other two readers, although he didn’t specify what ‘near water’ meant. Bangkok? Phuket? A Houseboat? He held up a heart pierced by three blades – the three of swords – and told me that I wouldn’t settle down in love. Asked if he could provide anything more specific, he told me that my wife will be tall and her name will start with a vowel before gathering up his cards and stuffing them back in the box. My wife is short, but her name does start with an A.

Stacked against me.

Stacked against me.

The Verdict: Tarot gains a significant amount of credibility from the fact that you pick your destiny yourself, as it were. This makes it surprisingly easy to take what the seer tells you at face value, but still didn’t wow me with any mind-blowing revelations.

So that’s my experience with fortune telling. If it’s all the same, I think I’ll just stick to making things up as I go, which has worked out pretty well so far.