While browsing the local Kinokuniya the other day – in my humble opinion, the best English-language bookstore in Bangkok – I came across a couple of gems that I knew I had to put on my website. There’s a famous old saying in Thailand that in a marriage, a man is the front feet of an elephant and the woman is the back feet; they are both responsible for support, but the front feet lead. (I often joke that in my case, I’m the front feet and the back feet, and my girlfriend is the guy who sits on top and beats me with a pointed stick, but I digress). At any rate, the battle of the sexes certainly isn’t a foreign concept here, and although these books are written with a western relationship in mind, I’m curious as to how a Thai would view them.

The books in question are: Don‘ts for Husbands, and Don’ts for Wives, two little volumes that contain nothing but tips on what a husband or wife should not do if they want to lead a successful marriage. The kicker with these reprints is that they were both originally published in 1913. In case you were wondering, that was the year that: Albert Einstein formulated his new theory of gravity; Rosa Parks was born; and Ghandi began his Great March in South Africa.

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So, let’s take a look at a few choice suggestions from Dont’s for Husbands:

  • Don’t drop cigarette ash all over the drawing-room carpet. Some people will tell you that it improves that colours, but your wife won’t care to try that recipe.
  • Don’t let your wife feel that there isn’t a corner of the house she can call her own. If there is only one ‘den’ let her have half of it, or at least a roll-top desk or a bureau for her special use.
  • Don’t begin your married life by expecting too much. If you expect little, you will be saved a good deal of disappointment.
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And a few choice suggestions from Don’ts for Wives:

  • Don’t bother your husband with a stream of senseless chatter if you can see that he is fatigued. Modulate your voice and if you have any cheery little anecdote to relate, tell it with quiet humour.
  • Don’t let him have to search the house for you. Listen for hit latch-key and meet him on the threshold.
  • Don’t get angry if your husband says that he never now tastes cake like that his mother used to make. Write and ask her for the recipe.
Termagant: A harsh-tempered or overbearing woman. I looked it up.

Termagant: A harsh-tempered or overbearing woman. I looked it up.

There are many more, and actually a lot of them are surprisingly cogent, even in the 21st century, although they’re more common sense now than anyting else – things like “Don’t try to entertain in a way that is beyond your means just because other people do it.” I believe nowdays that’s called “Who gives a crap what others think?‘ but the idea is the same.

At any rate, it’s an interesting look back to the days of slacks, pipes and world peace. I wonder what things the Thai version from the same time would say?