When you travel to Thailand – Bangkok in particular – you need to bring a lot of stuff. Passport and money, sunblock and music, flip-flops and camera… the list is long and varied. But whether you’re vacationing here or living here, there’s one thing that comes in handy all the time, everyday; the only caveat is that this thing is something you can’t buy. It’s street smarts. Bangkok is a city that requires a healthy dose of skepticism and a whole lot of savviness, without which you might find yourself in a bit of a pickle.
Back when I was teaching, one of my grade 12 classes asked me to explain the difference between street smart and book smart. The best I could come up with was that a book smart person would win on Jeopardy!, while a street smart person could be put in the middle of a strange city with $4 and end up having a good meal with new friends – but if the roles were reversed you’d have chaos. The explanation didn’t really satisfy them, which is probably why they later asked me to explain the difference between strut, stroll, sidle, saunter and swagger. Of course, I promptly failed them all.
A dictionary definition of street smart is: “A shrewd ability to survive in a dangerous urban environment“, which is a very succinct definition of the skill you need most in Bangkok. If Bangkok was a movie star, it would be Clint Eastwood in A Fist Full of Dollars; rough and gruff, with its own tempo, its own laws, and very little patience to wait if you lag behind. I’ve seen it many times – naïve, idealistic souls who get chewed up and spit out, usually with their wallets significantly lighter and their egos severely dented.
“I got yer Pad Thai right here, dingleberry.”
Now, I’m not knocking Thailand or Thai people or Bangkok – I wallow in the chaotic awesomeness of this place – but it is a fast city; a city with a potent mix of nice and vice, and a big dose of attitude that can often catch you off guard. A few notes:
- I’ve mentioned it before, but do not talk to people who approach you on the street and offer friendly advice. Let me ask you this: do you do that when you’re at home? No, and neither to Thai people unless they’re getting paid to. Just because Thailand is known as the ‘Land of Smiles’ doesn’t mean everyone here walks around all day grinning and helping out strangers. At first, you’ll find it a bit rude to keep saying no, but soon enough you’ll be ignoring these jackasses as if they weren’t even standing there, just like long-term expats do. Simply put, 99% of the time they’re trying to scam you.
- Use a bit of common sense when encountering unfamiliar situations. An example: there’s a foreign guy here who has been 1,500 baht short of a ticket home for the better part of five years now; most long-term expats have seen him at various points around the city begging for change. I don’t know about you, but about the last thing I’d do if I was short on cash is beg on the street. A young guy like that with no family, no relatives, no credit cards, no friends who can wire him $50? He can’t go to his embassy and ask for assistance?
- Another ubiquitous beggar I’ve seen is the guy who milks his slight physical disability for all it’s worth. One of his legs has been amputated below the knee, which undoubtedly sucks ass. But he splays himself in the middle of the sidewalk in the busiest parts of the city, tripping people up and being as much of a hindrance as possible. Meantime, you have blind people who sing and busk; deaf people who run souvenir stands, and even lepers who sell flowers and gum, despite the fact they have no fingers or feet. It might sound harsh to be knocking a guy with a physical handicap, but when you put it into perspective, it seems almost arrogant. Before you start giving money to strangers, step back and think about it for a minute.
Of course, keep in mind that some people are genuinely hard off, like this guy who I’ve seen many times myself… although my inner skeptic still takes things like this with a grain of salt.
- I’ve heard a lot of people get genuinely upset when the DVD of a just-released movie they bought on the street for $2 turns out to be recorded by some dude in a theater. First of all, stop crying for your 120 cents. Second, what are the chances that a movie that’s not even out of the theaters yet has been turned into a professional DVD master, copied, packaged, and somehow distributed to Asia and made its way to the crappy little movie stand outside your guesthouse? Use your brain.
And last but not least, the old axiom is a good one: if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is. That is not a genuine Cartier watch for $50 or a real Prada purse for $45. Do you really think Bangkok’s main tourist attraction, the Grand Palace, will be closed during weekday business hours like some scammers will try to tell you? (It does happen, but only for rare, major events for which the entire block will be closed). Don’t you think it’s a bit strange that today – and today only! – you can buy rubies for a cut-rate price and sell them back home for a huge profit? Are you a gemologist at home? No? Then why are you one on vacation?
In Thailand, it’s called ‘Three Card Somchai’
Eh, maybe I’m just being grumpy. Many of us long-term expats say we have no sympathy for those who fall for scams like this, but we often forget what it’s like when you first get here. In general, keep your guard up and think about things, and Bangkok will prove to be as fun and exciting as it is for those of us who live here.
No sympathy for the greedy tourists they deserve to be scammed, that’ll teach them to leave the safety of their middle class suburban homes. Plus it’ll give them a story to tell for the rest of their lives.
THat beggar you linked to “Bob” I spoke with him, well I gave him shit when he first started begging. I told him he was a disgrace and not to sit near my apartment at the time, and I threatened him with physical removal if I saw him nearby again – which is why he moved to Asoke.
The reason. I told him to get a job teaching English, he laughed and said 20,000 Baht a month isn’t enough – I was living on 15,000 Baht a month at that time from my internet income.
“Looking for work” what sort of softie was that blogger “ex-pat only wages” tells you he doesn’t really want to work.
And those lazy buggers who lay in the street, I step right near their face, and turn around surprised “Oh sorry, didn’t see you there”. I have seen one guy with his fake leg on top of a nearby bus shelter while he begs. My mates Thai girlfriend told us not to give them money as she saw one time the Police come and the sliding beggar hop up and attempt to hop away, he had a bag of coins as big as a soccer ball – that is why they crawl around belly down all day.
As you said Greg it is not a pleasant disability but it is not major either. Plenty of limbless people are gainfully employed and going about their living in Poi Pet for example. Nothing to stop them going to school and learning to use their brain either – last I checked a web developer didn’t need 2 functional natural legs as a job requirement.
Greg,
You give great advice. I’ve been pondering your post a bit.. perhaps because I spend a lot of time in Cambodia recently where the begging and being approached is far more intense there. And perhaps because I host a lot of visitors who willingly use my home as a free hotel. We had a similar discussion over dinner last night and that finally helped me figure out my thoughts.
I find the first comment by Biggest Dude rather harsh, especially on the tourists. The beggars, yes, I share the same frustration with the two of you.
Many of us who travel often and afar or live abroad learn to deal, if not understand or accept, to roll with how the locals act. For a majority of Westerners, especially Americans I know, see Asia as a truly exotic realm that they don’t have a frequent opportunity to visit. And for many of them who do make it across the Pacific, Asia *is* a complete change from what they are used to. The reverse is the same, which is why many Asian tourists go in clusters of guided tour buses.
In many ways it’s plain unfair anyway. Tourists to many parts of the Western world generally don’t get approached and be told that the Lincoln Memorial, the Uffizi Galleries, the Niagara Falls, the Louvre are closed when they aren’t. And there’s no denying many of us, even living here, end up paying “farang” prices for a lot of things, as much as we attempt to negotiate. The blatant scamming is very aggressive here. Living here, I find it wears my patience out. Tourists on the other hand are here only briefly.
As I spend more time, I find myself wavering between amusement, frustration, impatience, and indifference on these things. When I first arrived, I used to give long winded stories and dissertations on what not to do and what to avoid. Now, I’m gradually perfecting my advice into succinct simple instructions. “Don’t get in a parked taxi, Don’t get into a tuktuk without me, Here’s the list of jewelry stores…” But I have the benefit of time on the group to refine my understanding. One-week tourists don’t.
Well put Jane, ‘wavering between amusement, frustration, impatience and indifference’. It’s hard not to become a bit jaded by the constant harassment and guys walking up to you to shake your hand (I hate that the most). It did help me in India, however, where the begging makes me pine for the relative graciousness of beggars here.
I guess as a newbie, it can be charming or adventurous, but it sure does wear you down after a while and you just want it to end. I’m sure a Thai would find their first -40ºC winter in Canada an adventure too, but they’d soon change their mind.
As for the Biggest Dude, he sure doesn’t beat around the bush, but that’s why we love him.